DIVERSION TO FAHLA BHA’LA

DIVERSION TO FAHLA BHA’LA
by Ray Daley

We were less than ten miles from home when the call came, across the radio. “Bean, are you there?”

Damn it! Why had I let them persuade me to tell them my nickname last year? Sure, the gin had been good, but nowhere near decent enough to off-set the amount of hassle I was getting lately. Shaw gave me a raised eyebrow which I cut off with a finger drawn across my throat.

Most of the newbies already believed I had killed my last deck hand, so he’d keep his damn mouth closed if he knew what was good for him. Sure, that story was about as true as how many women Galash claimed he’d slept with, but we all had our secrets and lies.

“Bean! If you don’t pick up in the next ten seconds, I’m docking you a day’s pay.”

I practically sprinted over to the mic. “I’m here, Galash. It better be good, because we’re on the home straight, and I am looking forward to eating a hot meal, then bedding my lady.”

“Bad news, Casanova. You’re diverting to Fahla Bha’la. Triple the normal rates, plus a bonus when you leave. Take the next right you see and pick up a passenger at Max Docks. No questions, just get him to Fahla Bha’la, before nightfall. Drop him in the town square, then make your way to the Regent Hotel. There should be a room pre-booked for you and young whats-his-face, okay?”

No. It fucking wasn’t okay. I’d been to Fahla Bha’la once before, and that was one time too many, in my opinion. I’d lost the last kid there, he’d gone walkabout after dark. I wasn’t to know he walked in his sleep, no-one at the company had known either, yet we’d settled with his parents for twenty million, just to avoid a scandal.

Still. Shaw didn’t know that, and nor did he need to.

“Galash, you know my feelings about going to Fahla Bha’la. Even with that kind of payday.”

There was a moments silence, then Galash keyed up, but was just breathing like he knew there was almost nothing he could say to get me to change my mind. “No Bean, ever again. I’ll use the old mind wipe on myself, and all the boys. And a quarter share in the company.”

Bastard Galash! He knew how to hit a guy where it hurt, right in the stock-holdings. “Secondary debts wiped too, Galash. Otherwise, no deal.”

A second passed. Two. Then five more. Until Galash finally keyed up again. “Fine. I’ll write you off up to thirty thousand, no more. As well as all the other stuff. I’ve already made a recording of the authorisation.”

I pulled up my HUD. After ten seconds, I could see all the offer boxes ticked. Galash was serious about this then? “One more thing, boss. We’re both exempt any further side runs for the next six months. Tick that final box and I’m your man.”

I wanted to curse when the damn thing went green in less than a second.

“So? We’ve got a deal, Bean?”

“Sure, Galash. That’s the last time you’ll ever call me that. Shaun out.”

+++

It had been that bad, I hadn’t even used my name for the last six months. It had felt odd, saying it to Galash again. We rerouted The Happy Miss Luff at the next junction, and sure enough, there he was, stood at the Max Docks, when we finally arrived four hours later.

I waved away all his attempts at an introduction. I didn’t want to know his name. As with his predecessor, he had SACRIFICE written all over him. Hell, they may as well have stencilled it across his damn forehead.

“You, get aboard, sit there, don’t move. If you need to piss, go over the handrail into the river. I don’t want to hear a damn word out of you, we’re only doing this as a favour to the Council.” I wasn’t about to tell our passenger I knew what fate awaited him further down the river.

I had been to Fahla Bha’la once before – I lied to you then, it was as the first mate of what was previously known as The Saucy Sue. Her Captain had not only regaled me with stories of how she got her name but also with numerous nude images of his good lady wife who had inspired him to name the vessel thusly. I’d never seen someone put their feet behind their ears before that day. I hoped I never would again, but he made me look at those pictures the whole way there.

Like today, we picked up a fresh-faced young man at Max Docks, slowing down just enough to let him jump aboard before we took off again at top speed. Captain Jonns had seen the time and been to Fahla Bha’la more than a hundred times, so he knew better than to arrive after dark.

Sadly, that was to be his final trip there.

+++

I heard the bell before I finally saw her spires coming into view. Checking my HUD, to confirm the time, not that I needed to. That bell ran off an atomic clock, it was never wrong. We had five minutes to dock, tie up, and get our passenger to the town square.

Fortunately, the hotel was right opposite where we’d be leaving him.

I put us into full reverse, hard docking isn’t a safe manoeuvrer at the best of times, and this was pretty much as close to the worst of times as you could get without dying.

“Shaggy! Get those ropes tied off, and then follow me.” Then I pointed to our excess baggage. “You. Come on. We need to move, quickly.”

By the time I had him off the boat, Shaw was right behind me. He’d heard all the stories about Fahla Bha’la around the deck hand’s bars then? Good. He was wise to stick close. This place had a reputation, well earned, too.

We were practically sprinting to make the town square in time. I placed our passenger back-first against the supplicant’s stake, leant in, and spoke the trigger word. As I stepped back, I could see his eyes glazed over, and he was now completely immobile.

I wasn’t certain if Shaw had heard me speak just then, but it seemed like he was frozen to the spot, too. I had to pick him up, toss him over my left shoulder and stagger as quickly as I could into the Regent Hotel.

As expected, the place was completely empty, but a key was waiting on the front desk. And a note.

“You’re in room one, I kept it free for you both. Your deck hand is to be sacrificed tomorrow. He’s been primed with the trigger word. Sorry we didn’t have time to warn you. There’ll be a substantial bonus for his loss. You can crew back on your own in two days time. Ashton Galash, Council Of Vampire Ghosts.”

The boss had got us a family discount, then?

+++

I barely got us both inside the room, then shut and locked the door. I tossed Shaggy onto the nearest bed. He was just dead weight, now. I could hear the last toll fading away. Jesus, what had Shaw done? He’d been a fairly decent guy over the last few runs. Had he been screwing someone he shouldn’t?

I shrugged. Whatever he’d done, it had got back to home base, and old Vlad, our boss. He was the black sheep of their family, vampire ghost in name only, he’d live a short and mortal life, plying the evil ways of Canal Administration. Even the locals hereabouts wanted to see him dead. None of them wished to see him undead, however. They hated him that much.

Then it came, as before.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

As if some ancient ogre had pounded on my door.

“Yes? Who is it?”

“Captain Shaun and deck hand Shaw, I presume? May I come in?”

Ah. I had him there. I knew their rules and protocols, Captain Jonns had told me everything, not just about his wife, but all about the terrible world we lived in, and how certain parts of it were home to vampires, and vampire ghosts. A vampire could only enter a place with the consent of the occupants. “Sorry, no. Nothing personal, but I was hoping to get some sleep, before dawn.”

Whoever was outside knew the rules too. “And what are deck hand Shaw’s thoughts on the matter, Captain?”

Still, it didn’t matter. “His mind is under the influence, as you know full well. He’s yours tomorrow evening, same time as always. I’ll place him there myself, in fact. Listen, I’m away to sleep now. No-one has permission to enter this room, at all, for any reason. Even if the whole place is burning down, leave us to our grizzly fates. Leave my bonus on the front desk. I bid you good night.”

+++

I hate to say I slept like the dead, but it was pretty damn close. Well, as close as you can get in a town full of ravenous vampire ghosts. Not many people realise a vampire can die. Even less know of the existence of vampire ghosts, or entire societies and towns thereof.

I checked my HUD as I lay on the bed. I’d slept in worse places, less comfortable ones too. This wasn’t completely awful. I was aware they had the occasional mortal client here, now and then. Some people like vampires. Vampire ghosts, too.

Odd buggers.

I won’t say I hate them, but I certainly have an ardent dislike for their kind. What with how they did Captain Jonns wrong, and all. According to my HUD, I had only slept four hours. Damn it! At least another two more until dawn.

I checked my pockets. Empty. Okay. I’d just have to bide my time in here until the sun came up.

I can’t tell you how they knew, but my guess is they are able to detect increased blood flow of a conscious mortal.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

“Good Captain Shaun. I know you said not to disturb you, sir, but I’m afraid the hotel is on fire.”

I sniffed. And again. A third time.

Yes. I could smell smoke. Jesus, had they set the place alight to get us both? Was old Vlad looking to screw me out of all those bonuses? What to do? Burn to death here, or go out to equally certain doom?

Then it happened. The moment which saved my life. I checked Shaw’s pockets.

Jacket? Empty. God, no. I didn’t have to, did I? Of course I bloody did, if I wanted to keep drawing breath much longer. So I checked his trousers. And there they were. Not it, they. Two cloves of garlic, big buggers too. I popped one into my mouth, chewed a dozen times, then literally spat the bits into Shaw’s open maw. Then I grabbed the other and began chewing, unlocking the room door as I did.

I’ve personally seen two hundred and thirty-seven teleplays about fictional vampires. The one thing they all had right was their style. He had the slicked-back hair and the black, high necked cloak. To his credit, he went into vampire mode the second he saw me.

“Look into my eyes. You are falling under my command.”

Then I huffed a good hard exhale into his face.

He reacted like he had been punched hard in the guts. He even puked up, a little.

“You. Are you a Vampire, or a ghost? What’s your damn name?”

“Vampire, Captain Shaun, sir. Duke Tepesh.”

“Is the hotel on fire, Tepesh?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Best we find my bonus and get the fuck out of here, then. Give me a hand with young Shaggy, please? You’ll find he’s likewise protected as myself.”

It must have near killed Tepesh to put his face near Shaw’s mouth, but he helped me to the front desk, where I loaded my empty pockets with the piles of cash they had prepared but not expected to give me. The Duke even helped me outside, a few feet from the front door, then turned and rushed back inside.

To his certain death. Ah, but of course! Merely staking a vampire slows them down for a century or two. Only fire could finish them off forever. Or long enough to become a vampire ghost.

+++

I got the whole story from the Mayor, mere minutes after he’d completed his feast. He’d been expecting seconds, so was most perturbed when I held Shaw by my side.

“The garlic will wear off, Captain. And I was told deck hand Shaw was only given two cloves. So we’ll harvest you both, on the morrow.”

Vlad was quite surprised to see me come back that morning. More surprised when I stabbed him through the heart with my finest silver blade.

Galash Industries is going out of business. I’ve given The Happy Miss Luff to young Captain Shaw, on the sole conditions that he never renames her and doesn’t return to Fahla Bha’la. I never did get the details regarding his rather unfortunate nickname, and now I’m grateful I never will.

With the money I’ve made, I can make sure that route is blocked forever from both ends. I’m given to understand they burn down the whole town every time a sacrifice arrives. I barely escaped with my life. Both times. At least I’ll live, perhaps not happily ever after, but I will live! Oh, for the life of Canal Administration.

Fiction © Copyright Ray Daley
Image by kordula vahle from Pixabay